I believe it started a couple of years ago, when the first of their kind made its first appearance on the big screen. Blood sucking creatures of the night, with pale faces and handsome features doing a cat walk in front of the camera. You need nothing more than that, to make millions of female teenagers’ underwear get wet. Having them by your side, well you have a sure success in the business.
Then after the cat-walk and the so called “forbidden romance and love” between a mortal and an immortal -that could be criticized by many as necrophilia at its finest- there are the pointless stupid vampire vs other vampire fights.
That till the end of the movie where the prettiest immortal falls in love with the prettiest mortal but something comes along ruining their plans for eternal love and sunshine and you have to wait for the sequel to find out what it is.
Well, I was absolutely fine with these “movies”, “stories” or whatever you want to call them. As long as I was staying away from them at the movie theatre and at the video store they would leave me alone. They wouldn’t try to get in my brain or try to offend my intelligence or feelings.
Tonight, I was flicking through the channels on Television after I finished watching a movie that I picked from the video store. After some intense channel-changing, I decide to stop on a show that was on at that time.
The set, is the one of a bar/ restaurant. A man in a uniform walks in and towards the table where two elderly women are sat. He has an argument with one of these two ladies that it turns out to be his “mom”. The reason was that his girlfriend was calling him at late night hours and his “mom” was trying to “protect” him by cancelling his cell-phone contract.
So till now, we have a 30 year old man that is told by his mom what to do and what not to. I decide to light up another cigarette and stick around to see what happens next. The man finally realizes that he does have some sort of male genitalia hidden somewhere in his pants and says to his mom: “You should make my cell-phone work again or else…oh and by the way if you have to know why my girlfriend is calling at late night hours…It’s because she’s a vampire”.
Now that’s what I call a punch line. “My girlfriend calls me late at night because she’s a VAMPIRE and I broke my leg trying to jump off the fifth floor because I am Superman but my superpowers didn’t work because way too many people were watching me. OKAY MOM?! “
I know what you’re going to say “it’s a T.V show blah blah” and “get over yourself blah blah blah”. Well, first of all, the fact that it is a T.V show doesn’t excuse the dialogues and ESPECIALLY the punch lines to be worse than the ones one can hear in porn movies. And secondly, since when does a T.V show have an overall pardon to be lame and dumb?
Since when did love stories become so cliché? They killed it and now they try to kill it some more. Now that I got it off my chest, I’m going to go to bed and think of tall lilies- I’m talking tree size big ass lilies- and green grass and loud chill music and puppies that can talk and walking sky-scrapers and maybe slimmed down cows and all of them planning an attack against the people who write vampire stories and turn them into movies or T.V shows.
