Lose Weight And Still Be Overweight

All these years, all this back and forth from my city and to another country, had made me forget about the littlest things that define and differentiate the place I was born from any other. . I’m not talking about the millions of coffee shops, almost around every corner and everywhere you turn your head to. Neither about, the kiosks or markets or any of these things.

I had forgotten how my city yawns, day and night. How it stretches in total boredom and tries to catch up with the madness of any other capital of the world. How it moves in slow motion and almost every time of the day some parts smell like the “piss-patrol unit” cruised around during the night and sprayed the whole place for our odour pleasure.

Just like every other capital it's got a lot to offer, plenty to admire and the same phobias, mentalities and "philosophies". After I spent couple of months re-living and remembering all these, we decided to leave the mainland and go to an island.

We left Athens to go camping on an island called Crete. We spent 10 days, sleeping under the sky, feeding ourselves with tin cans, getting drunk at night and taking dumps in little taverns. Pretending we were going there for their coffee or little local treats. It was amazing at least, eventhough their coffee was the worst I've ever tasted. You could actually chew on coffee or sugar bits in between every drag. I never knew that I can’t climb or walk on a rocky surface without falling at least twice. Now, I know.

I’d go through analyzing every single day we were there but I won’t. I’ll just jump to the last two days as they strike me as the most fascinating.

So, we had very little store of fuel in the tank and money to last us for about 3 days. Enough to ride for an hour or so, and the distance to the port where we were supposed to take our ship from, was 2 and a half hours away. All the petrol stations had ran out as well, due to a strike. So, we were either going to sit still and wait for the strike to come to an end or try our luck.

It was around 5:30 in the afternoon when we got informed that the strike had come to an end, and all the gas stations would be open and servicing the very next day. One of us talked to an acquaintance of his, that happened to be also at a camp site. About 45 minutes to 1 hour away from where we were staying.

From that same source, we got informed about a beach party that was going to take place there that same night. So with no second thoughts we packed our bags and at 10:30 at night we left our spots and hit the road. I don’t know if we did it because we wanted to push our luck or because we were dying for some partying and “socializing” but what matters is that we did it anyway.

It turned out that it was a beach party which was organized by the youth members of a “leftish” political party. We heard from a guy that even the chairman of that political party would appear at the campsite the very next day.

Before we even get to familiarize ourselves with that information, a bottle of wine, few beers, some raki and a couple drinks later we were partying up on the beach. Even if we tried to be reasonable and go to sleep early, as we had to get up at 6 in the morning the very next day, the "car surfing", "car air swimming" and plenty other activities didn't allow us to. Also taking pictures with strangers without them being aware and trying to talk to girls about playing golf using rabbit holes while they were discussing politics, relationship matters and what not, didn't help us go to bed either. All and all it was fun. At least for us.

I'm in Preston right now and the weather has some serious mood-swings issues. Well, I did my part, wrote another entry on here, you did your part by reading it...well,

Till hell freezes over and I stop goofing it up, bababooee.


p.s: the title is misleading, sorry fatties.

Mike Tyson VS Me

I’m sweating as I’m writing this. Guess the summer is showing its teeth and I couldn’t wish for anything else but Wednesday to come faster. See as the most of Athenians I’m abandoning the city to find shelter on a sunny island with a lovely beach and easy going life. Away from the same old scenery and everything that can drive one straight to boredom.

Not so many drunken nights of stupidity and pointless jokes have come until now, but on the contrary rejection keeps swinging at me like a mad boxer. I do feel like an unprotected fat kid, armed with just a candy bar in a ring with Mike Tyson, when at the peak of his career, every time I send away drafts of reviews and features to foreign and Greek publications.

The boxer keeps swinging at me but somehow whenever that mercyless right drive is inches from my fat delicate chin, my chocolate bar falls to the ground and I bend over to get it. Avoiding getting punched straight in the jaw and falling down unconscious. Then I get back up and run scared to the other end of the ring hoping that Mr. Tyson will take pity on me.

Well, I guess I avoided most of the swings and now I just have to wait till the bell rings and Mr. Tyson leave me alone. On Wednesday. That’ll be the time, when I’ll just get out and go to a place where I can enjoy my candy bars and what not fear getting punched free.

Don't Be Sloppy...It's Your Job

I believe it started a couple of years ago, when the first of their kind made its first appearance on the big screen. Blood sucking creatures of the night, with pale faces and handsome features doing a cat walk in front of the camera. You need nothing more than that, to make millions of female teenagers’ underwear get wet. Having them by your side, well you have a sure success in the business.

Then after the cat-walk and the so called “forbidden romance and love” between a mortal and an immortal -that could be criticized by many as necrophilia at its finest- there are the pointless stupid vampire vs other vampire fights.

That till the end of the movie where the prettiest immortal falls in love with the prettiest mortal but something comes along ruining their plans for eternal love and sunshine and you have to wait for the sequel to find out what it is.

Well, I was absolutely fine with these “movies”, “stories” or whatever you want to call them. As long as I was staying away from them at the movie theatre and at the video store they would leave me alone. They wouldn’t try to get in my brain or try to offend my intelligence or feelings.

Tonight, I was flicking through the channels on Television after I finished watching a movie that I picked from the video store. After some intense channel-changing, I decide to stop on a show that was on at that time.

The set, is the one of a bar/ restaurant. A man in a uniform walks in and towards the table where two elderly women are sat. He has an argument with one of these two ladies that it turns out to be his “mom”. The reason was that his girlfriend was calling him at late night hours and his “mom” was trying to “protect” him by cancelling his cell-phone contract.

So till now, we have a 30 year old man that is told by his mom what to do and what not to. I decide to light up another cigarette and stick around to see what happens next. The man finally realizes that he does have some sort of male genitalia hidden somewhere in his pants and says to his mom: “You should make my cell-phone work again or else…oh and by the way if you have to know why my girlfriend is calling at late night hours…It’s because she’s a vampire”.

Now that’s what I call a punch line. “My girlfriend calls me late at night because she’s a VAMPIRE and I broke my leg trying to jump off the fifth floor because I am Superman but my superpowers didn’t work because way too many people were watching me. OKAY MOM?! “

I know what you’re going to say “it’s a T.V show blah blah” and “get over yourself blah blah blah”. Well, first of all, the fact that it is a T.V show doesn’t excuse the dialogues and ESPECIALLY the punch lines to be worse than the ones one can hear in porn movies. And secondly, since when does a T.V show have an overall pardon to be lame and dumb?

Since when did love stories become so cliché? They killed it and now they try to kill it some more. Now that I got it off my chest, I’m going to go to bed and think of tall lilies- I’m talking tree size big ass lilies- and green grass and loud chill music and puppies that can talk and walking sky-scrapers and maybe slimmed down cows and all of them planning an attack against the people who write vampire stories and turn them into movies or T.V shows.

We Can Raise The Titanic

The riots are over. Or so it seems. No signs of Molotov cocktails, broken windows or trashcans that were set on fire. The scent of tear gas has disappeared and the channels have forgotten all about the three people that died. It seems like both fashion anarchists and looters and fresh to the profession photo-reporters are waiting for their next chance to break through and shine. Wear their hoods/ armed with their cameras ready to give their own fight for equality and righteousness.

It’s that feeling you get after you read a feature on the web about how all these were “the calm before the storm” that actually makes you believe it. Makes you believe that the city centre of your country is actually going to turn in to a battlefield. But then I see a miracle somewhere in the horizon. To be honest, it feels like I’m the only one who sees it. There is a way out of this mess.

Many people say IMF, some others talk about help from the European Union but I say no. We can stand on our own. Let me tell you how. It seems like all the Greek female “celebrities”, will start becoming porn stars after the humble start that came from a famous pop singer/ model and whatever she thinks she is. Believe it or not, the copies of her porn movie sold like crazy. After that, another female “celebrity” made a porn movie, which came out like two days ago, while the sequel of the first celebrity’s movie is on its way. See where I’m coming from? Apart from an economical messed up country. Are you getting what I’m trying to say here? We could gather the money by making porn movies!!!!

Imagine that. I’ve never thought about it. Apart from a form of “entertainment” I’ve never thought that the porn industry had something more to offer. But here it is. Our rescue! Embrace it. As it seems by the polls 3 out of 4 Greeks have watched – either by downloading or by buying- the movies of these two so called celebrities.

So if all these so called celebrities came out and said “we’ll work our ass off (literally speaking) to save our country” EVERY GREEK, no matter political beliefs and social background, would be right behind them supporting what they’d be doing. Plus, we the Greeks are famous about spreading the love and hospitality.

So, here’s a proposal that I bet our government would love too: Drop the molotov cocktails, quit spending energy on riots and marches, shouting about justice and start making porn movies. Loads of them! Grab your camera and start shooting. Stop downloading the movies of these honest celebrities of ours that do their best in this dire time of our country and buy them. Give all your money and support them. Support your country. Watch porn.

I don’t mean that. I don’t know. We’re sinking slowly and soon enough- hopefully not- we’ll have to salute and go down with the sinking ship that they created. Enjoy your time and your summer. Hopefully I’ll find the nerve to write another entry during or before the summer. Till then take care.

Mixtapes Childhood And Musical Scars

Alright I got to do this real quick as I'm at my uncle's house in Zante for the weekend and I came down to take a shower as right now I smell worst than I usualy smell (which is VERY good.)

Anyway, this one's about music. How from the very moment we enter this world a melody acompanies us through the best and worst moments of our lives. Hollywood has confirmed it as well with the movie soundtracks, the mellow background music they put in "the first kiss" scenes, the loud-fast music in action scenes etc.

I remember long road trips with my family, and the first thing my father used to do before we begin is to slide one of his cassettes in the car's tape-player. Even if there was a variety of songs in these tapes I can still hear myself humming the melody of Bob Dylan's songs and some of Bruce Springsteen's. If I listen to a song that used to play during road trips, of one of those two artists, I can assure you that I'll be able to tell you where I first listened to it, what my reactions were and what I was seeing through the back-seat's window.

I also remember the very first mix-tape I ever made during Junior Highschool. Here's my top 5: Bob Dylan- If you see her say hello, Bruce Springsteen- The river, Bright Eyes- at the bottom of everything, Sting- Roxanne, Simon and Garfunkel - Sound of Silence/ Red Rubber Ball.

It is undoubtful, that no one can live without music. I must admit that I am a hopeless romantic when it comes down to mix tapes and I firmly believe that no cd compilation can beat a mix-tape. Cliche? Maybe. But I still believe it.

Other than that, I also believe that music scars us deep and that's one of its beauties. Well I gotta go now, I said that I had to keep it short. Till next time, here's something that will definately leave you with a scar:

Against Me! "White Crosses"

After 2 or so years of absence, Against Me! return with a new release “White Crosses”. I don't know if it needs more listening time for me to appreciate it but till now it's kind of weird and goes a bit unnoticed. On the other hand, I can assure you, like all the previous Against Me! albums, it still has this “come back and listen to me some more” feeling after the first time you listen to it.

Tom Gabel's vocals still don’t fail to give you goose bumps and make the hair on the back of your neck to stand up. The back-up vocals fall right into the right places, strategically placed and carefully chosen giving you a better feeling of every song.

More melodic than their previous albums, one could say too melodic and maybe different for the band’s past releases, Against Me! manage with the finest of lyrical content to give you a glimpse of how you’d see the world through their eyes –“Bamboo Bones”- and a browse through their current thoughts -“I Was A Teenage Anarchist”-.

A definitely need to listen to album if not for the music just for the lyrics. Nothing can beat music combined with intelligent lyrical material.

"Suffocation"

Hello There Pretty!

Driving down the street where the prostitutes hang and sell themselves, makes you feel like a rock-star or some sort of a fly celebrity. If you exclude the dirty and sketchy scenery, the sad dimming lightning from the streetlights behind the empty at night time, large meat market and imagine you’re driving down Hollywood Boulevard or someplace where all the hot shots find themselves and girls go crazy at the sight of them, then you might get what I mean. I’ve said this way too many times but every time we drive down that area to get to where our regular bar is, the same thought hits me every time. But it’s also kind of tragic and ironic, how they picked that certain area to exercise the oldest of all professions. Behind the meat market. OOOOOOH POETIC.

Young girls not older than 25, knock on your car’s window smiling at you, asking if they could join you and keep you company. I’m not trying to advertise prostitution here, don’t get me wrong. It’s just that some of them are REALLY pretty and when I say REALLY pretty, I don’t mean the “less clothes more flesh” kind of really pretty. Because let’s just be honest and true here. If you’re a guy and you see a girl not wearing much, besides the “slut” you’ll think “she’s pretty”. Do you get the two different kinds of the meaning of the word “pretty” that I’m trying to make? Wait I gotta find my lighter dudez. BRB. AlRiGht. Found it.

So, obviously the reason why I made this long intro, talking about prostitutes, sketchy parts of my city and meat markets, is because we did drive down that part of Athens last night to get to a bar that was hosting a punk-rock night. Not many people were there. We ordered our drinks and took a seat on the side barstools of the bar. The drinks arrived and I left a tip to the bartender that served us. TIP YOUR BARTENDER SO SHE/HE WON’T SPIT IN YOUR DRINK OR SERVE YOUR DRINK IN A DIRTY GLASS. After 45 mins my glass got empty. I ordered another drink.

She -37 or something years old- brought my drink again. Again I left a tip and smiled politely and thanked her. I continued the conversation I was having with my friend. A couple of songs and stupid jokes later, we ordered another round. She again brought our drinks. I smiled and thanked her. She leaned forward and said the most original starting line for a conversation EVER. “So…do you come here often?”. I answered “yes.” Conversation ended with an awkward silence. She wasn’t saying anything she was just staring at me and smiling.

I looked away and went back to irritating my friend with stupid jokes. I took out a cigarette and lit it. She was standing from the inside of the bar right next to me, she was staring and smiling at me. I was pretending that I hadn’t realized. My friend, looks at her then he looks at me that I was looking down at my drink and then back at him. He grins and we burst out laughing. That was one of the creepiest experiences I’ve ever had.

The rest of the night consisted of sing alongs, watching guys trying to sing songs that they didn’t know the words of and they were just opening their mouths like their trying to fit something in it, a few more drinks and ended with some freshly made bread we bought at 5 am from a small shop.

If I ever become a tour guide, I won’t take my group to the Acropolis or Parthenon. I’ll take them for a ride down the streets that I described at the very beginning of this text. Because this is what reflects Greece nowadays. That’s what Greece is nowadays. A beautiful girl in a cheap whorehouse that instead of doing something with her life she lets every kind of asshole fucking her for pennies and falls asleep alone at night. –well some girls might enjoy this life-style. But oh well…-