Categorizing friendships and resembling them to "herpes" never made me chuckle before. I just finished writing one of the essays I have to hand in on the 6th and since this calls for a break, I thought of writing down on here something that I wrote on my way back home as I was sitting at the waiting room at the airport waiting for my flight to arrive.
So according to what I wrote while waiting for my airplane, relationships seem to fall in to three categories. Depending on the level of likeness between the two individuals, their common interests etc etc. Below I'll give you the three categories and don't go hard on me. When I wrote this it was 5:30 in the morning, I only had 2 hours sleep, I was feeling like the world had just kicked my balls and I was sitting next to a couple with a baby that was crying constantly.
To make this easier for me to explain and easier for you to understand I'll measure the likeness and the common interests between two persons with a scale from 1 to 10. So here we go:
A) 2-3/10: People that fall in this category for you, are the ones who you once met, had a relatively okay time, but you wouldn't want particularly to see them again and if you did chances are you wouldn't have a good time cause the hype of the first time meeting is now gone, the circumstances are different, you either realized he/ she is a bore or he/she has realized till now that you're a bore etc etc. Now you'll say how I can tell if one falls in this category, and I'm here to say that, there's only one way to find that out. Hang with that person again and risk to have the most boring time of your life, just to find out that the other person who falls in this category is the very same guy who would take a dump in your bed, criticize you like he knows you from way back or act like Kanye and try to steal the thunder from every moment of yours even when it's not even your moment.
B) 3-6/10: Now, in this category fall mostly what I like to call "coffee buddies" or "drinking buddies" if you find that "coffee buddies" sounds too feminine. These are the people who are either your high-school buddies, the ones you used to share the same loath for that science teacher, the same ones who you used to go to the backyard and have a sneaky cigarette and felt like big men, the ones who you used to talk about girls' boobs and the ugliest girl's in the school nose and acne. You do have things to talk about with these guys and sure spend some quality time with them but not for longer than a cup of coffee, which usually lasts for an hour or two. These are the people who you'll call once a week or once every two weeks, go out, catch up and talk about nothing at all. Basically they're there to make you feel good about yourself and vice versa. Compliment you, maybe agree with you in an argument you had with another person etc etc and all of that because they don't know you quite well to tell you "you're full of shit, shut the fuck up" and they're not the kind of assholes the people from the "A" category are to go ahead and criticize you. I'd say they're there and you're there for them both following a non-spoken agreement of give and return but in small quantities.
C) 6/10: This one's the big one. The important one. If you have more than two of these people in your life you're lucky. If again you don't then you're not lucky. Now if you're over thirty and you don't have one of these in your life, chances are your wife or girlfriend is one of them.- and it's not quite the same as it's complicated but it's better have something than nothing- Now, if you're over thirty, don't have one of these in your life and you don't have a girlfriend or wife, then not only you're not lucky but you're basically fucked. Sorry. You should start making preparations, hiring extras to come and cry at your funeral because honestly don't tell me that you actually believe that any of the above categories will show up or show up and really feels sad about you being gone. Coffee buddies and random strangers that fall in the "A" category come and go just like herpes, but they're less annoying. And they're wanted. But anyway. So yea, start making preparations, hire extras, maybe if you can afford it, some real quality young actors as well to bawl their eyes out in the front seats. Anyway, you got the point about which people belong in this category. Friends or best friends. Call them as you may. These are the ones who you can confide to, have drinks with, expect them and wanting them to judge you because you know they're doing it because they care and mean well. These are the ones who are not ashamed of who you are, what you do or whatever you say.
Now, I'll go a few lines up and say that in this category, might also fall the girl/boy you'll end up being with and sharing a house, but the irony is that you can never be certain about them till they're beside you through your whole life and by your bed side when you're 80 you shit yourself faster than the speed of light, coughing and slowly dying. So, if you're lucky, them along with your other friends who belong in this category are the ones who will make all the funeral arrangements for you. Pay for you. Decide the quality of your casket and maybe cry at the front seats for your loss or be happy that you finally got out of your misery.
That was it! Who wants to grab an ice-cream and have some fun with me one of these days?
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