TO WRITE A HIT SONG

Hi there, before I go ahead and start with today's lecture, I'd like to tell you to go read “Wolf At The Table” by Augusten Burroughs and “Sunset Limited” by Cormac McCarthy.

Also, sometimes when I'm out with my friends all I want to say is “dude remember that time when we went to that show” or “dude remember when we rolled that wheel at 4 am drunk, spending our last money on beers for the road as we were walking back a 45 minutes to an hour walk back home?” or “this is what I actually want to say instead of this lame ass joke...” but all it comes out is “hey, how about another shot?” or “I'm going to get another drink...want another one?” So from lack of better words I come out as an idiot. But the thing is that like a five year old I come up with the right lines long after the right time,so I'd like to point out, I'm no good with words unless I have to and then I only try. To quote one of my favorite bands: "you know what I wanna say but I can't get it out."

Anyway, today I didn't have to go to “work” and no one told me, but I still have work to do but I'll postpone it for tomorrow to give you some tips on how to write a hit song. A song that will make your friends look up to you, your parents stop hitting you and your neighbors to want you to go out with their pretty daughter. Basically it will open a brand new world for you.

So, get your pens and paper out and get ready to take notes. Ready? Alright alright...Okay, I'm going to start now.

Right first off all, if you want to write a hit song you've got to think love first. A love song is always a hit song. It makes young girls wet and guys want to learn it and play it on acoustic guitar, so they can make their girls wet. Did you write that down? Love song. Don't worry it doesn't have to be complicated.

Alright, there are a few samples out there for the perfect love song, but for chrissake do not look at “Nickelback” for any kind of song. They might be cheesy but even the most insecure girl will call you a whimp. Make sure you repeat the words “baby”, “girl”, “love”, “eyes” etc and also make sure to have the back up vocals agreeing with every line you say, see Justin Bieber's “Baby” song for example. “Uh huh”'s and “alright”s and “yeah”s will do the work just fine.

Now, remember, repeat the words “love”, “eyes”, “baby”, “girl”, and vary from chords from G, C, D, A, AM. Do not put any complicated words in it. You don't want your girl to start searching thesaurus to see what you mean.

So for example, it could go like this “yeah baby...your eyes back up vocals uh huh etc etc”

That was all, now go and break some hearts, I'm going to make something to eat you can thank me later.